Matzah Balls Play for a Ring

Blogging the championship game of my brother Aaron’s Jewish rec league team The Matzah Balls.  They play in the Madison Sports and Social Club.  Aaron’s team is full of Jews.  Lets see if this plucky tribe of upstarts can shock the world with their fortitude, grit, and stamina.  It’s freezing outside, but it’s lit inside.

Jewish supporters in the away end unfurl a massive Tifo in support.  “Jews Bearing Basketball Gifts…We Told the Greeks to Beware” with an image of Judah Maccabee and his charges seizing victory from the hands of the oppressors.

So this championship game is already off the rails and it hasn’t started.  The Gentiles are playing with 2 giant illegal subs.  So this is at best an asterisk for the Gentiles.   Rigged! Very Unfair! Sad!  Crooked Madison Sports and Whatever.  Nonetheless, game is being played valiantly and Maccabeelike by the Jews.

Aaron with a strong move inside and no call despite obvious flagrant 1 by one of the ringers.  Imma call that dude Steroids which would be obvious if you looked at him.  Stout D forces a turnover on a 3-second call.  #1 for the Jews draws the foul on a putback as she crashed the offensive glass.  Jews getting the ball inside early.  #1 splits the pair and Jews up 1-0.

Gentiles having trouble breaking things down early and has to settle for a long 3 which clangs away harmlessly.   PG for the Gentiles has a white tshirt  under his jersey which is so Gentile of him.   Successive turnovers by the Jews aren’t helping the cause but Gentiles fastball one out of bounds.  Jews work an open 3 but it won’t stay down.   Steroid can’t get the stick back for the Gentiles.  Maybe more steroids next time.  Do you even lift bro?    Minkoff with a steal and layup despite getting assaulted by big Steroid.  No clear path/flagrant/whatever which seems charitable by the referees.  That was dirty at any level and downright criminal for a Boys & Girls Club court.  sacred space.

Supporters in the away end letting him have it.  (to the tune of Oh My Darling Clementine) “BUILD A BONFIRE BUILD A BONFIRE, PUT THE RING-ER ON THE TOP…PUT THE OTHER IN THE MIDDLE AND WE’LL BURN THE BLOODY LOT”

Jews can’t find the range outside but active hands on D keeping a lid on the Gentiles O.   Steroid dribbling 25 feet from the basket probably isn’t the best game plan.  Aaron continues to do work down low and not get fouls called despite clear fouls on the Gentiles.  Otherwise he would be making those shots ref.   Big Steroid picks up a dumb charge and goes to the bench with his 2nd foul in a loutish and poutish manner.  Reminder should be his 3rd because of that earlier foul.    Gentiles avoid another charge because of anti-Semitism? or maybe economic anxiety according to a NYT think piece? I don’t know. He bowled over the Jew. That should have been offensive.  It was to me.

Gentiles have a Portland Beard guy in now. He isn’t close on a 3.   Minkoff for the Jews got em on a string but his pass is deflected out of bounds.  Gentiles triple rims out and Jews holding on to a 6-2 lead.   Portland Beard guy turns it over but ref misses the call and gives it to the Gentiles.  Sneaky inbound catches the Jews flat footed and Shiksa to the line for 2 FT.  She splits.  Minkoff misses the J but makes amends and hustles back on D to steal the outlet.  6-3 still in the 1st set tiebreak apparently.  I think you’re supposed to switch ends at multiples of 6.  Jews with an aggressive drive that ultimately ends in a frustration and a spiked ball.   Steroids getting frustrated after getting the ball stripped.  Tshirt guy misses a bunny because of course he isn’t going to put a foot right tonight.  I mean look at this jamoke.

fans in the away end serenade the Jews into the half

“WE’LL SING FOR YOU MATZAH BALLS…TIL YOU FINISH THE FIGHT…THERE’S A PARTY IN FITCHBURG…NOONES SLEEPING TONIGHT”

HALFTIME  Jews 6  Gentiles 3.   20’ to glory.  With some more composure around the goal the Jews really could be home and dry now.  A superlative defensive half but the offense with some expensive misses and this thing is far from done and dusted.

SECOND HALF

Gentiles get a basket.  Jews don’t execute the 3-on-1 to perfection exactly and are turned away.  #6 for the Jews hits the triple and its 9-5 Jews.  ALL DAY SON.  Gentiles quickly answer in kind and it’s a 1-point game.  Suddenly its fireworks in here.  Aaron fouled AGAIN and no call.   Jews didn’t execute the 1-on-3 well either.

The iron unkind on a 3 but Jews owning the offensive glass right now.    Gentiles travel, uncalled and sink the basket.  Its 10-9.    Jews fouled on another shot and no call and Portland Beard guy hits 2 for the Gentiles.  Things starting to slip away for the Jews now as the clock ticks under 14’.    Aaron with a steal and score to cut the Gentile margin to 1.    Gentiles slowing the pace as they all look tired.  Steroid guy posting up but off the mark and getting even more frustrated.  Portland Beard guy with a nice steal and finish on the other end to stretch the lead back out to 3.   Good looking 3 from the Jews bounces off the rim.  Gentiles hustle down the floor for an easy deuce.  Margin is 5 now.  Deadwood for the Gentiles tries some slick stuff to the basket but forgets the ball.  Aaron whistled for a shooting foul.  Dude splashes the pair and its 18-11.

The away section still in full voice tryig to lift our boys/girls to victory.  M-B! B-B!  M-B! B-B!  M-B! T-I-D! MB! T-I-D!  And so on and so forth.

Jews miss another shot from close range but Gentiles knock it out of bounds.  Minkoff takes the favor and sticks a 3 to get the Jews within 18-14.   Minkoff follows it up with an arrow outlet pass for a layup.  Its 18-16 with 8:15 left.   Pretty clear who refs want to win this one.  This is Wisconsin Duke in the natty all over again.  Minkoff still dropping dimes and we are honors even at 18-18.  Deadwood mad about a 3 second call.  It’s cool son. You travel everytime you touch it anyways.  So maybe shut up.  Minkoff works off a nice ballscreen and Jews have turned it around, its 20-18.

The away supporters are truly deafening now.   Deadwood OVER THERE ITS SO QUIET…OVER HERE IT’S A RIOT….WALKIGN ALONG SINGING MY SONG…WALKING IN A MATZAH WONDERLAND….

Tshirt guy hits a 3. That can’t be right.  He still looks ridiculous.  #6 for the Jews hits a midrange and gets hacked (no call of course) and Jews up 22-21.  Deadwood travels again, and gets the hoop and the harm.  23-22 Gentiles with 3:50 left.   remember that sequence. Deadwood hits a 3 after Gentiles swipe an offensive rebound and it’s a 4-point deficit for the Jews with clock under 3.

Just a reminder this is all horseshit because the Gentiles are cheating with illegal players.  Irrespective of outcome Minkoff has gone the full Russell Westbrook tonight giving the Jews everything he has.   He da real MVP.

#14 for the Gentiles hits a 3 and that might be the dagger.   Jews get hip checked out of bounds and the anti semite wit the whistle lets it go.   America First for that ref I guess.  Minkoff again and its 29-24 with :47 left.  Aaron cleans it up and it’s a 3-point margin with :25 left.  Deadwood calling And1 on his missed shot slayed me.  What a tool.   Away fans don’t let that one slip.

(tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic) “MATZAH BALLS THE GREATEST TEAM THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN…MATZAH BALLS THE GREATEST TEAM THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN….MATZAH BALLS THE GREATEST TEAM THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN…THEY’RE FIGHT IS MARCHING ON!”

So there’s no shot clock so doesn’t really seem like Gentiles need to shoot.  Jews showing full court pressure desperate to get a possession and a clean look at a 3.    Anti Semite ref has clearly checked out.  Maybe he needs another cigarette as a trip to Malboro country might calm him down a bit.   Aaron gets a steal and gets hacked on the attempt.  He misses both probably a lane violation or something.  Gentiles break the press as the last grain of sand slips through the hourglass for the Jews.  The idling stagecoaches outside are nothing but mice and pumpkins now.

Away fans salute a tremendous season and rightful championship.

WE LUV YA…WE LUV YA….WE LUV YA….AND WHERE YOU GO WE’LL FOLLOW…WE’LL FOLLOW…WE’LL FOLLOW….BECAUSE WE SUPPORT THE MATZ-HA… THE MATZ-HA…THE MATZ-HA…AND THAT’S THE WAY WE LIKE IT…WE LIKE IT…WE LIKE IT

FINAL Gentiles 29*  Jews 26

*cheaters

This must be how the Cleveland Indians feel.  I’m a former Badger State Games U14 boys soccer silver medalist so #GameRespectGame Matzah Balls.  We sal-ute you!

Next year in Jerusalem.

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